Vulnerability is often praised as a cornerstone of authentic connection. We’re encouraged to share our stories, our struggles, and our deepest selves in the pursuit of genuine relationships. But what happens when that vulnerability is misplaced, mistimed, or met with anything less than compassion? I’ve learned, often the hard way, that sharing too much too soon can lead to painful consequences.

We yearn for someone to listen, to understand, perhaps even to offer the wisdom we desperately need. We envision a gradual unfolding, like peeling back the layers of an onion, revealing our true selves as trust deepens. However, I’ve repeatedly made the mistake of prematurely sharing intimate details – about my marriage, past trauma, and even fleeting emotional states. Unfortunately, the hope that our vulnerability will be met with care is not always realized. We cannot predict how others will use the information we entrust to them.

The past two years have been a tumultuous journey of emotional highs and lows. During my most vulnerable moments, I failed to establish healthy boundaries, leaving myself susceptible to toxic patterns. The enemy, as I see it, exploited my weakness. Some relationships, initially grounded in faith, turned into sources of pain. I learned that even with the best intentions, neglecting to guard your heart and proceed with caution can create space for harm.

Looking back, I wish I had asked myself crucial questions: “Is this person attempting to manipulate me?” “Are their actions truly in my best interest, or are they serving their own?” I often prioritized pleasing others, sacrificing my own needs and even compromising my marriage by confiding in a friend before my husband. My desire for acceptance and love led me astray.

Thankfully, I’ve discovered resources that have been instrumental in my healing and boundary-building journey. I wish I had encountered these books years ago:

• “When to Walk Away” by Gary Thomas: This book explores the biblical wisdom of discerning when to disengage from unhealthy relationships.
• “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lisa TerKeurst: A powerful guide to establishing healthy boundaries and navigating difficult farewells.
• “Find Your People” by Jennie Allen: This book emphasizes the importance of cultivating meaningful, supportive connections.

These books offer biblical truths about the necessity of boundaries, not only to protect ourselves from exploitation but also to uncover the root causes of our relational patterns. My own journey has revealed a tendency to gravitate towards unhealthy friendships, characterized by gossip, judgment, and unkindness, stemming from deep-seated insecurities and low self-worth.

I am grateful for the ongoing work of God in helping me discern situations and recognize red flags. While I acknowledge my past role in creating drama within groups of women, I am committed to breaking those patterns. Much of my behavior stemmed from a fear of losing friendships and a lack of firm identity. I tried to fit in and was easily influenced.

Moving forward, I am learning to anchor my identity in something greater than my insecurities. Building healthy boundaries is not about shutting people out, but about creating space for genuine, respectful connections. It’s about protecting the heart and fostering healing.